We have a ton of games this week and, while I delivered a solid performance in Week 2 against the spread, it’s the straight up picks where I careened my shin off the ottoman. No more, I say!
Let’s pick some games.
TUESDAY
QUICK LANE BOWL
BOWLING GREEN VS MINNESOTA (-3.5, O/U: 39.5)
Location: Ford Field, Detroit, Mich.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 26, 2 p.m.
We open our Week 2 of College Bowl action with the Quick Lane Bowl, not to be confused with the Quick Lube Bowl, a completely different and, from what I can tell, much larger oil change company that will absolutely benefit from the free advertising here. It’s like when an NFL player calls his Microsoft Surface Tablet, from a company paying millions of dollars to be the official tablet supplier and advertiser with the league, an iPad. The Falcons (7-5) come into this game relatively hot, winning five of their last six with only a one-point loss to Toledo marring their worksheet. The Golden Gophers (5-7) got a mercy Bowl berth as they didn’t win the automatic bid-worthy six games and lost their final four, three of them by two scores or more. Bowling Green 24, Minnesota 20
SERVPRO FIRST RESPONDER BOWL
TEXAS STATE VS RICE (+4, O/U: 59)
Location: Gerald J. Ford Stadium, Dallas, Texas
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 26, 5:30 p.m.
Our second Bowl of our Tuesday post-Christmas holiday is sponsored by Servpro, the company you call to clear out your crazy hoarder aunt’s house after she dies. Yes, the professional cat skeleton discoverers are in the college bowl business and, considering how long all our family members are living now, we probably needed the reminder. For those of you who thought the Bobcats (7-5) were a fake team created for some lame football themed soap opera show, oh no, they’re real and had a decent season, minus a 77-31 loss to Arkansas State. The Owls (6-6) got bowl eligible thanks to two victories at the end of the season over Charlotte and FAU. Texas State 27, Rice 23
GUARANTEED RATE BOWL
KANSAS VS UNLV (+13, O/U: 67)
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Ariz.
Broadcast: ABC/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 26, 9 p.m.
When you hear about “Rates” and football, and you’re like me, you think insurance, but oh no. Guaranteed Rate is a mortgage company that I had no idea existed before today, so that sponsorship is already paying dividends. It’s really too bad I don’t need a mortgage and won’t for the foreseeable future. But, hey, I’ll know this company exists in our Universe at least until I’m finished writing this. And you might say, “that’s good if someone ever asks you where to get a mortgage.” And that would be true if I had any human in my life that would dare seek financial advice from me. The Jayhawks (8-4) had one of the weirdest seasons in college football, beating Oklahoma in a shootout, but losing to pretty much every other decent team they played. The Rebels (9-4) were cruising to what might have been one of the best seasons in the history of their program before they fell face first into the turf in their final two games. Kansas 33, UNLV 23
WEDNESDAY
MILITARY BOWL PRESENTED BY GOBOWLING.COM
VIRGINIA TECH VS TULANE (+10, O/U: 44)
Location: Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium, Annapolis, Md.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 27, 2 p.m.
Didn’t we already have an Armed Services Bowl? Well, listen, how else are we going to really lean into our servitude to the Military Industrial Complex if we don’t have at least two of these things. This time there’s no service academy to mess it up for us playing horrible football. Oh no, we get to see actual state schools to play horrible football instead. The Hokies (6-6) barely got bowl eligible, but did beat Virginia and, if you have a Tech fan in your life, you know that’s all that really matters. That loss to Marshall stings, though (and should). The Green Wave (11-2) lit it up this season against their weird AAC schedule but did lose their final game to SMU. Virginia Tech 20, Tulane 17
DUKE’S MAYO BOWL
NORTH CAROLINA VS WEST VIRGINIA (-6.5, O/U: 54)
Location: Bank of America Stadium, Charlott, N.C.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 27, 5:30 p.m.
Here it is, my Go-To Bowl when it comes time to make fun of sponsors off the top of my head because I can never remember any of these other obscure corporations tossing millions to name a bowl played by two .500 teams from conferences that don’t matter. Not so this time as the ACC battles the Big 12 with two teams that didn’t do much in either conference. The Tar Heels (8-4) lost two straight to end the year, but did beat Miami and Duke, so everyone’s job should be safe. The Mountaineers (8-4) won their last two but still suffered what might have been the worst loss of the year in a 41-39 decision at Houston that saw WVU basically win it on a Hail Mary type play only to lose the game a few seconds later on a Hail Mary. Devastating. Also, Drake Maye isn’t playing in this game to get ready for the draft. No mayo for him! West Virginia 34, North Carolina 24
DIRECTV HOLIDAY BOWL
LOUISVILLE VS USC (+7.5, O/U: 57.5)
Location: Peco Park, San Diego, Calif.
Broadcast: FOX
Kickoff: Dec. 27, 8 p.m.
Weird. DirecTV still exists? Why? Anyway, as they cough blood into a handkerchief as a corporation and hide it from their nearest family members, they get to sponsor the first bowl of the season to feature a ranked team. The No. 16-ranked Cardinals (10-3) took two bad losses to wrap the season, to Kentucky and Florida State, but did plenty of damage in the ACC before that. As for the Trojans (7-5), here’s a shocker. Caleb Williams, the guy that will likely go No, 1 overall in next April’s draft unless someone’s scouting department decides to ignore every piece of film Williams has put down in college football, will not play in this meaningless bowl. Southern Cal lost three of its last four, all to contenders or rivals, Louisville 34, USC 17
TAXACT TEXAS BOWL
TEXAS A&M VS OKLAHOMA STATE (+2, O/U: 53)
Location: NRG Stadium, Houston, Texas
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 27, 9 p.m.
It’s the TaxAct Texas bowl, sponsored by a company that completes income taxes in a state that absolutely hates taxes. The Aggies (7-5) limp in with a potent roster, but an interim head coach in Elijah Robinson after Jimbo Fisher was loaded up into the trebuchet and fired over the nearest grass-covered hill a few months ago. They did manage to win two of their last three but were blown out by LSU to wrap the year. The No. 20 Cowboys (9-4) dropped their last game, but did deliver a handful of upsets before then, with victories over Kansas and Oklahoma. Also, hey, they’re our second ranked team to show up in Bowl Season! Oklahoma State 41, Texas A&M 27
Last week
Straight up: 3-6
Against the spread: 6-3
Season
Straight up: 35-38
Against the spread: 38-35
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