Bowl season is upon us. And while I still am under .500 in my NCAA Football picks, both straight up and against the spread this season, I did pick 100 percent of the games correct last week.
We’ll just choose to ignore the fact there was just one game last Saturday and roll on.
SATURDAY
MYRTLE BEACH BOWL
GEORGIA SOUTHERN VS OHIO (+3.5, O/U: 49)
Location: Brooks Stadium, Conway, S.C.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, 11 a.m.
Here it is, our first Bowl of the season and it just so happens to be held in one of my favorite areas of the country, the Grand Strand of South Carolina. So, even if the game is terrible, you can still do plenty of fun stuff there like buy a Final Fantasy Buster Sword, ninja stars or a float with a Confederate Flag on it so the sharks will know to eat you first. Your Type 2 diabetes makes you sweet and delicious! The Eagles (6-6) secured their bowl bid early, because they lost four in a row to end the season. The Bobcats (9-3) did just the opposite, winning three straight. I like the upset here. Ohio 24, Georgia Southern 17
CRICKET CELEBRATION BOWL
HOWARD VS FLORIDA A&M (-7, O/U: 48.5)
Location: Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Ga.
Broadcast: ABC/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, Noon.
It’s the Cricket Celebration Bowl, in honor of the phone service used by the guy your cousin buys Oxycontin from in between jail stints for shoplifting drywall hammers from Home Depot. The Bison (6-5) won two straight to end the season while the Rattlers (11-1) ran the table after an early season loss to South Florida. Florida A&M 34, Howard 16
R + L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS BOWL
JACKSONVILLE STATE VS LOUISIANA (+3, O/U: 59)
Location: Caesars Superdome, New Orleans, La.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, 2:25 p.m.
Why would R + L Carriers sponsor a bowl? Well, considering I just Googled what the hell kind of company they were, that’s probably why. They have trucks and haul things. No idea why they felt the need to spend money to get their name stenciled onto the New Orleans Saints homefield, but that’s logistics for you. Thank God I don’t have to know anything about that. The Gamecocks (8-4) had a few solid wins in the middle of their schedule, but limped to the finish line, losing two of their last three. The Ragin’ Cajuns (6-6) had a three-game losing streak sandwiched between victories over South Alabama and UL Monroe to end the year. Jacksonville State 23, Louisiana 19
AVACADOS FROM MEXICO CURE BOWL
MIAMI (OH) VS APPALACHIAN STATE (-6, O/U: 45)
Location: FBC Mortgage Stadium, Orlando, Fla.
Broadcast: ABC/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, 3:30 p.m..
Here’s a fun fact: the Mexican drug cartels are major players in the avocado business in Mexico amd we’re basically financing them with our love of extra guac on the side. Anyway, I’m sure this bowl game can’t make matters worse. The Redhawks (11-2) are the MAC Champions and wrapped the year with five consecutive victories. Their two losses were to Toledo, who they would go on to beat in the MAC title game and the real Miami Hurricanes who blew them out, 38-3, in the season opener. The Mountaineers (8-5) stacked some good victories up in the latter half of the season, only to drop their finale against Troy by 26 points. Appalachian State 27, Miami (OH) 24
ISLETA NEW MEXICO BOWL
NEW MEXICO STATE VS FRESNO STATE (+3.5, O/U: 51)
Location: University Stadium (NM), Albuquerque, N.M.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, 5:45 p.m.
Isleta is resort and casino owned by the Pueblo people, so even if this game is terrible, you can still do some solid gambling at the tables, pick up some souvenirs and reserve your tickets for the Clairvoyants Holiday Spectacular featuring the World’s Greatest Mind Reading Dog. Go ahead and stay the week. You gotta see that psychic pooch, for God’s sake! Ask him where your great, great Grandpa hid the loot from that stagecoach robbery. The Aggies (10-4) hold a special place in my heart as they were my final NCAA 14 team before my game finally kicked the bucket. Fresno State (8-4) never offered me as a coach, even as I continually aimed at scrub programs and I’ve decided to hold that against them today. New Mexico State 26, Fresno State 20
STARCO BRANDS LA BOWL
UCLA VS BOISE STATE (+4, O/U: 49.5)
Location: SoFi Stadium, Inglewood, Calif.
Broadcast: ABC/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, 7:30 p.m.
If you like to get crunk in the weirdest possible way, then you might be familiar with Starco Brands, makers of Whipshots. Yes, the creators of the weird vodka left over that no one touched at your last party, as you asked the question, “Who the hell brought this and why didn’t they take it with them? Am I now cursed to hold this Caramel Vodka Whipshot forever? Verily is this my Brady Bunch Cursed Hawaiian Idol?” have sponsored a bowl and, much like the weird Soylent food substitute drink Starco makes named after a movie where people unwillingly committed cannibalism, it’s not that bad. The Bruins (7-5) wrapped their final Pac-12 season by being a complete non-factor in the league. The Broncos (8-5) as they usually do, dominated the Mountain West but lost to everyone else they played. UCLA 31, Boise State 24
RADIANS TECHNOLOGIES INDEPENDENCE BOWL
CALIFORNIA VS TEXAS TECH (-2.5, O/U: 58)
Location: Independence Stadium, Shreveport, La.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 16, 9:15 p.m.
You won’t need Radians patented brand of protective eyewear to watch this bowl. No, sir or madam, you will only need ESPN, ESPN+ and the urge to watch a game that won’t end until midnight as the Golden Bears (6-6) take on the Red Raiders (6-6) in what could actually be the most entertaining contest of the day. You could go ahead and put on your Radians hard hat and work gloves to celebrate the season. After all, that’s what these Bowl games are all about — work hazard protection. Cal, of course, is one of the many teams vacating the Pac-12’s carcass and made sure to have a terrible season to remember it by. Texas Tech got to enjoy being one of the worst teams in the Big 12 all season, but did win three of their last four, including a massive three-point victory over then No. 16 ranked Kansas. Texas Tech 31, California 27
MONDAY
FAMOUS TOASTERY BOWL
WESTERN KENTUCKY VS OLD DOMINION (-2.5, O/U: 55.5)
Location: Jerry Richardson Stadium, Charlotte, N.C.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 18, 2:30 p.m.
What in the world is Famous Toastery? Well, apparently it’s a restaurant chain that’s so famous I’ve just now heard of it. According to their website, they were voted one of the Top 500 Food Franchises of 2021 and considering it’s 2023, and almost the end of the year for that matter, I’m not sure that’s still holding up. Either way, they get to sponsor this mid workday exercise between the Hilltoppers (7-5) and the Monarchs (6-6). WKU won three of their last four to end the season. Old Dominion can claim sovereignty over the parts of Georgia ruled by teams no one ever thinks about after knocking off Georgia Southern and Georgia State to wrap the year. Western Kentucky 34, Old Dominion 28
TUESDAY
SCOOTERS COFFEE FRISCO BOWL
UTSA VS MARSHALL (+13, O/U: 52.5)
Location: Toyota Stadium, Frisco, Texas
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 19, 9 p.m.
Never heard of Scooters Coffee? Well, I hope you’re enjoying your Starbucks, Duncan and Tim Hortons because out west where those brands would rather be set on fire than set up locations, you apparently get a Scooters as a consolation prize. Yes, a coffee place named after what your dog does when it’s got a bad case of worms is hosting the final bowl of the week Tuesday night. You waited all spring and summer for college football to come back and now, much like pulling into a Scooters as the only option through your thousands of mile trek through the vast barren hellscapes of Kansas and Nebraska, you’ll take this game like a Praline Caramelicious and you’ll like it. Or, you know, at least accept it as there’s literally nothing else available. The Roadrunners (8-4) put a solid run together, taking seven straight wins together before falling to No. 23 Tulane in the final game of the regular season. The Thundering Herd (6-6) spent most of the last half of the season playing like Thundering Turds. Losing six of their last eight games and scoring single digits (or nothing at all) in four of those defeats. It’s not looking good for Marshall here, but hopefully they can knock down a few Iced Turtle Lattes to make up for it. UTSA 31, Marshall 13
Last week
Straight up: 1-0
Against the spread: 1-0
Season
Straight up: 24-31
Against the spread: 25-30
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