We have a marathon of NCAA Football Bowling happening and finally get into some good games featuring ranked teams as we focus our attention on the action from Thursday through Saturday.
THURSDAY
WASABI FENWAY BOWL
SMU VS BOSTON COLLEGE (+10.5, O/U: 49.5)
Location: Fenway Park, Boston, Mass.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 28, 11 a.m.
If you were wondering how a spicy paste could sponsor a bowl, you were not alone. Apparently, Wasabi is also the name of a data storage company, which, I mean, makes all the sense in the world. What better name for a massive hard drive offsite than the green goo sitting next to your sushi you never eat and is immediately scraped off into the trash? Just like most of your data! The No. 24-ranked Mustangs (11-2) land in the Wasabi thanks to claiming the AAC title and wrapping the season with a nine-game winning streak including a victory over then No. 22 Tulane in the championship game. The Eagles (6-6) were lucky to get bowl eligible in October, because they went winless over the last three weeks of the season. SMU 42, Boston College 27
BAD BOY MOWERS PINSTRIPE BOWL
RUTGERS VS MIAMI (pk, O/U: 40.5)
Location: Yankee Stadium, Bronx, N.Y.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 28, 2:15 p.m.
Do you want to mow your yard with the masculine energy your Bermuda grass deserves? You’re not some cuck weedwhacker. Oh no, you are an Alpha weedeater and, as such, must use a Bad Boy Mower, a piece of landscaping equipment that isn’t “made for everyone… (but for) people who live on the cutting edge.” So, know that as you’re chopping off your own toes or firing a chunk of gravel at the nearest toddler’s forehead, you are being a “true original.” Like Boston College, the Scarlett Knights (6-6) got bowl eligible early and spent the final month of the season falling flat upon their face. The big difference here is that BC head coach Jeff Hafley isn’t a pile of festering dog crap that a wicked witch brought to life like Greg Schiano. And if you want to know why that statement is true and don’t know Schiano’s history, Google his name with Penn State. The Hurricanes (7-5) got over .500 thanks to a three-game losing steak ending in a blowout victory over the aforementioned Boston College to wrap the regular season. Miami 42, Rutgers 23
POP TARTS BOWL
NC STATE VS KANSAS STATE (-2.5, O/U: 47)
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Fla.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 28, 5:45 p.m.
You think I’m going to make fun of Pop Tarts? And dishonor a great American breakfast pastry and the only reason I was on time for my entire senior year of high school? No thank you. It’s no secret that Pop Tarts gets the first bowl featuring two ranked teams. The No. 18 ranked Wolfpack (9-3) bounced back from some mid-season stumbles to finish strong, winning five straight to wrap their schedule. The No. 25 Wildcats (8-4) lost two of their last four but wins over Baylor and then No. 25 ranked Kansas allowed them to sneak back into the Top 25. NC State 27, Kansas State 24
VALERO ALAMO BOWL
ARIZONA VS OKLAHOMA (+2.5, O/U: 62)
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 28, 9:15 p.m.
If you think it’s probably tough to make fun of an innocuous petroleum company (well, you know, as innocuous as an energy company can be as it actively destroys the planet), then you are right. All I really know about Valero is a few years ago I’d never heard of them and now their stations are everywhere. Very glitch in the Matrix type stuff. Anyway, we’re bowling! The No. 14 Wildcats (9-3) were one of the better teams for me in the latter half of the season, winning six straight, with four over ranked opponents, to wrap the year. The 12th-ranked Sooners (10-2) had a disappointing end to their campaign. After flirting with the College Football Playoff in their final Big 12 season, they dropped two in a row in October to completely fall out of consideration. They did stack up three victories over lesser opponents to end their campaign. Arizona 31, Oklahoma 27
FRIDAY
TAXSLAYER GATOR BOWL
CLEMSON VS KENTUCKY (+5, O/U: 46.5)
Location: EverBank Stadium, Jacksonville, Fla.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 29, Noon
Florida has become a tax-hater stronghold over the last decade, so it’s no surprise that they have a TaxSlayer is sponsoring the Gator Bowl in a state where no one wants to pay income taxes at all. It’s been quite the precipitous fall for the No. 22 Tigers (8-4). A few years ago they were competing for a national title every season. Now, they get a noon kick on Dec. 29 in Jacksonville. But, hey, at least the strip clubs are apparently top notch. Clemson did win four straight to end the year, including big victories over then No. 15 Notre Dame and No. 20 North Carolina. The Wildcats (7-5), the third Wildcats listed in this very article, spent much of the season ranked until reality and SEC play kicked in, handing them all five of their losses. Kentucky did knock off No. 10 Louisville in their season finale. Clemson 33, Kentucky 30
TONY THE TIGER SUN BOWL
OREGON STATE VS NOTRE DAME (-6, O/U: 42)
Location: Sun Bowl, El Paso, Texas
Broadcast: CBS
Kickoff: Dec. 29, 2 p.m.
Does Toucan Sam get his own bowl? How about Lucky the Leprechaun or the Trix Rabbit? Are you kidding me? They can forget it. No, only Tony the Tiger, the Great One himself, warrants his own bowl and you can eat a bowl of his cereal as you watch it. You might, as you take a bite of Tony’s frosted flakes, even exclaim, “They’re…. pretty decent!” The No. 19 Beavers (8-4) enter this game on a two-game losing streak, falling both to No. 5 Washington and No. 6 Oregon, which is a tough draw to end the season. The 16-ranked Fighting Irish (9-3) played more like the Flailing Irish this year, but did coast over Wake Forest and Stanford at the end. I’m going against TikTok on this one as that app adores Sam Hartman to near Travis Kelce proportions. Sorry guys. Dance one out for me. Oregon State 27, Notre Dame 23
AUTOZONE LIBERTY BOWL
MEMPHIS VS IOWA STATE (-9.5, O/U: 57.5)
Location: Simmons Bank Liberty Stadium, Memphis, Tenn.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 29, 3:30 p.m.
Get into the zone as AutoZone sponsors our first bowl of the day that features not even one ranked team. The Tigers (9-3) had a solid season, with two of their losses by a single score and the other, to Tulane, by 10 points. The Cyclones (7-5) could never get a consistent result all season, seemingly losing every three games. They did knock off then No. 19 Kansas State in the final game of the regular season. Iowa State 42, Memphis 27
GOODYEAR COTTON BOWL CLASSIC
MISSOURI VS OHIO STATE (-1, O/U: 49)
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 29, 8 p.m.
So, yeah, Goodyear. There’s no jokes here. They make tires and there’s a good chance they were probably attached to the car you own when it was new, but were replaced by a much cheaper brand when they got some wear on them. We all start on Goodyears and end up riding on Kumhos five years later. The real question here is, why is the Cotton Bowl not being played inside the Cotton Bowl? I mean, the stadium is still there in Fair Park. Yes, I know that it’s been played at AT&T Stadium since 2010, but I don’t have to like it. The No. 9 Tigers (10-2) had an incredible year, losing only to then No. 2 Georgia and No. 23 LSU. Along the way, they got monster victories over No. 13 Tennessee, No. 24 Kentucky, Florida and No. 15 Kansas State. The No. 7-ranked Buckeyes (11-1) have just as good an argument as Georgia that they should be in the College Football Playoff, but to really hammer that argument home, they need to beat Mizzou here. With sophomore Devin Brown making his first start at quarterback and Marvin Harrison, Jr. likely sitting out, I’m not feeling great about it. Ryan Day’s sharpie-colored beard wept! Missouri 31, Ohio state 24
SATURDAY
CHICK-FIL-A PEACH BOWL
OLE MISS VS PENN STATE (-4, O/U: 48.5)
Location: Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Ga.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 30, Noon
With Chick-Fil-A sponsoring this one, it’s no surprise it’s being played on a Saturday. Yes, the most overrated chicken sandwich on Earth still sponsors the Peach Bowl and, as long as you’re not showing up on a Sunday, you too can enjoy a freshly microwaved soft and soggy sammich with, admittedly, some pretty great dipping sauces. The No. 11 Rebels (10-2) won seven of their last eight but are basically simming to next season as Lane Kiffin and the Oxford NIL crew have loaded up their 2024 roster. The 10th ranked Nittany Lions (10-2) lost two of the only three games they played against ranked opponents this season, with their lone ranked win coming over Iowa, who boasts the worst offense in the FBS. Ole Miss 44, Penn State 23
TRANSPERFECT MUSIC CITY BOWL
AUBURN VS MARYLAND (+7, O/U: 46.5)
Location: Nissan Stadium, Nashville, Tenn.
Broadcast: ABC/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 30, 2 p.m.
Nope, Transperfect isn’t that thing your uncle was ranting about during Christmas dinner after spending the morning watching Newsmax. Nope, they are a “translation” company, which is apparently a thing. Why just hire someone who speaks the language of the country you’re operating in when you can blow a few million on this service? Yes, a job that could be performed by someone brought in off the street now requires a worldwide group of computer servers. But, I’m guessing, they won’t teach you all the local curse words like your cab driver would. The Tigers (6-6) dropped their last two games of the season, including a tough Iron Bowl defeat to then No. 8 Alabama. The Terps (7-5) not only stumbled at the end of the season, they stepped onto a rake, had it bounce off their forehead before putting their foot in a mop bucket, then the other into a full porta potty toilet, losing five of their last seven after opening the year 6-0. Auburn 23, Maryland 20
CAPITAL ONE ORANGE BOWL
GEORGIA VS FLORIDA STATE (+14.5, O/U: 44.5)
Location: Hard Rock Stadium, Miami Gardens, Fla.
Broadcast: ESPN/ESPN+
Kickoff: Dec. 30, 4 p.m.
Hey, what’s in your wallet? Probably a plethora of cards and there’s a good chance Capital One is one of them. Yes, the company driving your personal finances into the dirt gives you this de facto “pretend national championship” battle. The No. 6 Bulldogs (12-1) won every single game this season and last season, with the exception of the 2023 SEC Championship, which cost them a trip to the College Football Playoffs. The No. 5 Seminoles (13-0) can at least claim they never lost their shot at the CFP on the field, but were cost it in a darkened, smoke-filled meeting room. Either way, all that talk will end when Georgia puts 40 on them here. Georgia 44, Florida State 16
BARSTOOL SPORTS ARIZONA BOWL
TOLEDO VS WYOMING (-3.5, O/U: 44.5)
Location: Arizona Stadium, Tucson, Ariz.
Broadcast: CW Network/Barstool
Kickoff: Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m.
Barstool Sports can use all the money they saved by illegally attempting to bust their employee’s union aspirations by sponsoring a bowl between two unranked teams that no one, outside of David Portnoy’s corporate mandate, will be watching. Way to toss that money into the woodchipper, Dave! Better than using it to help pay for an employee’s cancer treatment! The Rockets (11-2) lost the first game of the season and their last but won all the contests in between. The Cowboys (8-4) played another forgettable college football season, winning their final two games over Hawaii and Nevada and, you know, Jimmy Crack Corn and no one the planet cares. Toledo 27, Wyoming 20
Last week
Straight up: 3-6
Against the spread: 6-3
Season
Straight up: 35-38
Against the spread: 38-35
Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.
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