NFL WEEK 15: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE Week 15 of the NFL season is upon us and we must sound the trumpet to begin it as we always do, by arbitrarily ranking teams in a sport where pretty much every honest debate is actually settled on the field. For maybe the first time this season, we have had no change in the Top 5, with the entire group ensuring they’d ride into the Yuletide atop the rankings. The bottom three too seem etched in stone, but there is a caveat. One of those teams is pretty entertaining to watch. Which bodes well for its future and that of the entire league. We have movement everywhere else, especially in the teens and early 20s, as squads vie for the chance to triumphantly make the postseason, only to lose in blowout fashion in the Wild Card round. But all we want is hope! Let’s rank some teams. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (12-1) You want to know a big reason why the Eagles are not only No. 1 in this (and likely every) Power Rankings along with the best record in the league? They have 19 successful fourth down conversions this season out of 25 attempts, the most in the NFL. And if you think that’s probably related to their success in the red zone, I’m guessing you’re right./ Last week: No. 1 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (9-4) Well, would you look at that. Kyle Shanahan’s offense that doesn’t require elite quarterback play to be successful turns out to be successful without an elite QB. You’d think I would have figured all this out by now. Still, it’s hard to believe that Brock Purdy can keep this up. Los Angeles Rams fans just need it one more night, particularly Thursday night to hang another loss on Seattle. So, of course, you know what’s going to happen. It doesn’t that Purdy spent the week on the injury report. Last week: No. 2 CINCINNATI BENGALS (9-4) There’s getting “hot at the right time” and then there’s coming out of the kitchen as a sizzling skillet of fajitas. The Bengals are doing that second thing and everyone in the restaurant is watching them make their way to the table wishing they’d ordered the same. Also, good news, Tyler Boyd should be able to play, at least some, Sunday at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Last week: No. 3 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (10-3) The Chiefs have taken losses from the two top AFC contenders, but can still absolutely rob both the Bengals and the Buffalo Bills by simply winning out on one of the easiest December and January schedules in the league. They play at the Houston Texans Sunday. It might as well be an extra bye. Last week: No. 4 DALLAS COWBOYS (10-3) The Cowboys have won four straight, are within striking distance of not only the NFC East title, but home field advantage and absolutely none of us, not a single person on Earth, believes they’ll do it simply because Mike McCarthy is their head coach. Now, if was a Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, they’d be the No. 1 seed. Last week: No. 5 BUFFALO BILLS (10-3) I have bad news for the Bills. No team has won a game this season with Covid-19 Superspreading Plague Rate Cole Beasley on the roster or practice squad. What have you done? Last week: No. 7 BALTIMORE RAVENS (9-4) It’s probably going to be Tyler Huntley again for the Ravens with Lamar Jackson still sidelined. They’ll need a significantly better performance from him to knock off a Cleveland Browns team with its actual quarterback on the field and not setting a new Fruit Ninja high score on his Microsoft Surface tablet. At least, I hope that was what Deshaun Watson was doing on that tablet. No one check his history. Last week: No. 9 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (10-3) The Vikings have experienced an odd few weeks, knocking off garbage teams, but getting outclassed across the board when facing a team with even a modicum of real coaching. Of course, that shouldn’t be a problem hosting the Indianapolis Colts this Saturday because of, ironically, a guy named “Saturday.” Last week: No. 6 LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (7-6) While Sunday’s game against the equally 7-6 Tennessee Titans might not be an elimination game for their opponent, Los Angeles can’t afford to take the home loss. Tennessee is the last squad with a winning record left on their schedule. They should be thinking about running the table and grabbing the No. 5 seed. Last week: No. 14 WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (7-5-1) Remember when everyone was calling out Ron Rivera for “badmouthing” Carson Wentz? This team has gone 5-1 since Wentz got hurt in Week 6. Maybe we don’t doubt Riverboat Ron anymore, how about it? Last week: No. 15 MIAMI DOLPHINS (8-5) Miami has lost two in a row to realistic contenders and now their coast to the playoffs is looking significantly more rocky. It doesn’t help that they play at Buffalo Saturday, a franchise that is cleaning a literal ton of snow out of its stadium as I write this. Preseason: No. 8 NEW YORK GIANTS (7-5-1) Reality seems to be finally coming home for the Giants, but they’re currently the No. 6 seed and could get a boost from a full go Saquon Barkley in a must win Sunday Night Football contest against the Commanders. There really can be no bad outcomes for the G-Men this season, but a playoff berth would be pretty sweet. Last week: No. 10 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (7-6) The Pats should be out of the playoff race at this point, but they’re hanging around like an HPV infection. And if we had any hope of that ending this week, I have bad news. They play the Las Vegas Raiders. Last week: No. 17 DETROIT LIONS (6-7) The Lions opened the year as the NFL’s
NFL WEEK 14: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE And lo the NFL Week officially begins in the manner it always does, with the arbitrary ranking of all 32 teams based on criteria I have invented in my own head. We have a new No. 1 and plenty of movement in the Top 10 as the entire hierarchy of the AFC has taken a serious shuffle over the last month. The bottom of the rankings are almost set in stone, with no reason to move anyone up or down from their basement dwelling positions. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (11-1) Jalen Hurts is not only in the MVP conversation, he’s got to be leading it. Somebody who made a Hail Mary futures bet in the preseason is about to cash in. Hurts has 29 total touchdowns, more than 3,000 total yards and a quarterback rating of 108.3. I would have predicted that this team was going to hit a San Francisco sized brick wall in the playoffs, but recent events have made that far less likely. Philly looks like they should be the NFC’s Super Bowl representative, which means they’ll probably get upset by the Giants or Seahawks, a team that will get absolutely destroyed in Super Bowl LVII. Last week: No. 2 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (8-4) The Niners are No. 2 right now, but I expect them to take a precipitous dive starting this week. The idea that Brock Purdy is going to step right in and play winning football over the next five weeks is funnier than any joke I could come up with. It’s possible that Jimmy Garoppolo could return in time for the NFC Divisional Round, but I don’t know what good that’ll do the Niners who will be watching it on their Barcaloungers. Purdy is the only “Mr. Irrelevant” in NFL history to throw a touchdown pass in an NFL game, by the way. So go ahead make him a plaque for that, because he ain’t getting a ring of any kind. The real shame is, if they don’t make the playoffs, it’ll probably kill a legit Defensive Player of the Year run from Nick Bosa who is first or second in every DL stat category in the league. Last week: No. 3 CINCINNATI BENGALS (8-4) That third down pass to Tee Higgins, under intense pressure and with Higgins covered like a blanket, should end all Joe Burrow vs Justin Herbert arguments forever. The dude went No. 1 overall for a reason. And that’s not even a knock on Herbert. Burrow is just that guy. More good news this week for Cincy too heading into the stretch, Joe Mixon should be back. Last week: No. 9 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (9-3) Sometimes the NFL all comes down to match ups and the Bengals obviously have a match up advantage over the Chiefs. Kansas City better hope another team knocks Cincy out of the playoffs or they might be watching the Super Bowl on TV again. Last week: No. 1 DALLAS COWBOYS (9-3) The fact that Mike McCarthy led a team to absolutely gobsmack the Jeff Saturday Indianapolis Colts to the tune of 54 points should show exactly how badly Josh McDaniels coached the Las Vegas Raiders a month ago. With all the injuries for the Los Angeles Rams and now the 49ers, the worst possible thing could be happening in Dallas. This team could go to the Super Bowl. And lose by three touchdowns. Last week: No. 5 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (10-2) The Vikings are cruising into the postseason and, thanks to Jimmy Garoppolo’s injury, might even get the chance to lose in the NFC Championship. On the bright side, Kirk Cousins can make his annual worthless trip to the Pro Bowl. Last week: No. 6 BUFFALO BILLS (9-3) The Bills don’t look nearly as unbeatable as they did when the season began and now they’ve lost Von Miller for the rest of the year. Maybe we should stop crowning teams in August? If there is a bright side to the events of the week in Buffalo it’s that, if the playoffs started today, they’d be the No. 1 seed in the AFC. Last week: No. 7 MIAMI DOLPHINS (8-4) Every contender is bound to soil the bed once a season, but it was a bad look for Mike McDaniel to get so thoroughly outcoached by Kyle Shanahan playing a Subway Sandwich artist at quarterback. They can make up for it by all but knocking out of the AFC playoff race Sunday and sending Emmanuel Acho into a Twitter frenzy. Preseason: No. 4 BALTIMORE RAVENS (8-4) Lamar Jackson is apparently week to week with a knee injury. That’s bad news for a team that can barely show up week to week as it is. Baltimore has five weeks to win two more games and make the playoffs. They can let Jackson heal up before tossing back into the shark’s mouth in Greg Roman’s offense. Last week: No. 8 NEW YORK GIANTS (7-4-1) The Giants and Commanders tied Sunday, playing five quarters of hard hitting divisional football so you know what that means. Take the Eagles and the points this week. Last week: No. 10 TENNESSEE TITANS (7-5) I have no inside information, but I feel it was probably a condition of Mike Vrabel’s upcoming new contract negotiations that Tennessee general manager Jon Robinson get tossed out the airlock. No GM is ever winning a power struggle with a winning head coach. They’re just too hard to find. Last week: No. 11 SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (7-5) The Seahawks picked up their fourth win over the Los Angeles Rams since 2017 and all it took is for every good player but Jalen Ramsey on LA’s roster to be in street clothes. Of all the teams that will benefit by Jimmy Garoppolo’s extended absence, none will get more from it than Seattle. They might have just been handed an NFC West title. Last week:
NFL WEEK 12: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE What are we thankful for? Well, there’s football all day Thursday so that’s one thing. Especially if you can use watching it as an excuse to dodge all the bloody Black Friday Braveheart battles. You could get a Playstation 5 and lose an eye at the same time. This NFL season has been weird, fun and lucrative if you’ve picked the right upsets. Teams we expected to be standing at the end are already tiptoeing at the precipice and good football is played in New York, at least on most weeks. We have a little bit of reshuffling at the top of the rankings, but No. 1 remains the same. As does No. 32, and a quarterback change is probably going to keep that spot etched in stone. The good news is, not only are some teams playing for postseason positioning at this point. Others are playing for draft spots, and that bottom of the rankings can get very competitive once December hits. Unlike our last Rankings, we don’t have any big movers this week. While the oddness of the season remains, it’s finally settling in and making sense. We can count on stuff now and all it took was 11 weeks of football insanity to get here. While no team has officially been eliminated from playoff contention yet, it’s about to happen. Only one team has secured a losing record on the season, which is frankly pretty late for that. This week will see multiple squads join them. We’ve got fun facts, we’ve got stats, we’ve got win-loss records and we’ve got jokes. Let’s rank some teams arbitrarily based on whatever criteria we make up and read it while we stuff our faces with overcooked bird meat. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (8-2) While Travis Kelce continues to carve out the greatest Gold Jacket career of any tight end in NFL history, the Chiefs did take a hit this week when it was announced Clyde Edwards-Helaire was put on injured reserve. It would have been a bigger blow if he hadn’t already been overtaken on the depth chart by rookie Isaih Pacheco. Last week: No. 1 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (9-1) Nick Siriani was so angry at the Indianapolis Colts for firing his old boss Frank Reich last Sunday, he nearly let them hand his team its second defeat of the season. I can’t imagine a world where Jeff Saturday starts 2-0 after beating an Eagles team that opened 8-0, but it was a fun thought while it lasted. Last week: No. 3 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (6-4) As the 49ers put forth what looks to be a potential Super Bowl season, it’s important to note that they traded three first round picks for a quarterback to replace their current quarterback, who has gotten them to this point…again. And if that replacement QB, Trey Lance, hadn’t gotten hurt, they would be, at best, 3-7 right now. Oh, and if the New York Jets had taken Lance in the 2021 draft, the Niners would have selected Zach Wilson. All fun things to think about. Last week: No. 4 BALTIMORE RAVENS (7-3) Well, after making it too interesting against the Panthers last week, now it looks as if Lamar Jackson is a gametime decision for the Ravens when they lock horns with the Jacksonville Jaguars this week. Tyler Huntley should do well enough in his stead, but an upset there would not shock me. Last week: No. 6 MIAMI DOLPHINS (7-3) For everyone who wanted to run Tua Tagovailoa out of town, call him a draft bust and trade for Deshaun Watson (I’m talking specifically to you, Brian Flores), he’s got the Dolphins in first place in the AFC East and is No. 1 in the league in passer rating, touchdown to interception ratio, pass touchdowns per attempt, yards per attempt and yards per completion. The 2020 QB draft class might turn out to be better than the 1983 group. Preseason: No. 7 DALLAS COWBOYS (7-3) After a thorough dismantling of the Minnesota Vikings last week, the Cowboys get another shot at an NFC East rival (and potential playoff opponent) in the New York Giants on Thanksgiving. Word broke that both Demarcus Lawrence and Micah Parson should suit up Thursday, but the biggest obstacle in this game will be keeping Mike McCarthy focused on the contest on the field and not the steaming turducken so tantalizingly out of reach until the final whistle. And speaking of turduckens, here’s a fun fact — no player received more turkey legs from John Madden in NFL history than Cowboys great and Pro Football Hall of Fame running back Emmett Smith. Last week: No. 8 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (8-2) Alright, Kirk Cousins. It’s time to either prove your prime time (and featured game) faceplants are all a coincidence or the defining problem with your career. Knock the Patriots out Thanksgiving night. There is simply no excuse. Minny should win it by 50. Last week: No. 2 BUFFALO BILLS (7-3) The Bills won last week in Detroit, dodging “Thunder Snow” in Buffalo. Now they’ll just have to dodge Dan Campbell’s teeth as he views all kneecaps as Thanksgiving Turduckens. Last week: No. 9 NEW YORK GIANTS (7-3) A blow out home loss to the Detroit Lions doesn’t make anyone feel great, but you can fix that pretty easy by knocking off the Cowboys while everyone takes their turkey naps. Last week: No. 5 TENNESSEE TITANS (7-3) The Titans slammed the door on the Green Bay Packers’ season last week. Now, they get a revenge game against the team that knocked them out of the playoffs last season. As much as they tried to screw up their team this offseason by trading AJ Brown, Tennessee could be one of the best three teams in the AFC. Last week: No. 13 CINCINNATI BENGALS (6-4) Without Ja’Marr Chase in the line up, Joe
The First CFP Rankings Projections
By Jonathan Willis What Will the First College Football Playoff Rankings Look Like? The first College Football Playoff Rankings of the 2022 season will be released on Tuesday, November 1, 2022. There are six unbeaten teams left in the nation, but at least two of those teams will be left out of the initial top four by the CFP Selection Committee. That will lead to some consternation among some fanbases, yet the good news is that there is still one month left in the regular season. College Football Playoffs Week 1 Projected Rankings Georgia Bulldogs (+210 to win the National Championship at BetOnline) The defending national champions have only been tested once this season. They needed a fourth quarter comeback to beat Missouri a few weeks ago, but they have won every other game by at least 17 points. Georgia will face its toughest test yet next week when it welcomes unbeaten Tennessee to Athens, but the Bulldogs are more than a touchdown favorite by the college football betting odds. Whereas Tennessee only has an elite offense, Georgia has a very good offense and an elite defense. Ohio State Buckeyes (+210 to win the National Championship at BetOnline) C.J. Stroud is the odds-on favorite to win the Heisman Trophy at this point. Ohio State has the best offense in the country, and the Buckeyes have scored 44+ points in every game since their season opener against Notre Dame. Their defensive issues have been fixed with the addition of Jim Knowles, and their only remaining challenge is likely to be Michigan in their season finale. Ohio State is the most likely team to make the CFP, giving the Buckeyes the best chance of ending the South’s death grip on the sport. Tennessee Volunteers (+800 to win the National Championship at BetOnline) It’s been a magical year for Josh Heupel and the Tennessee Volunteers. Tennessee finally beat Nick Saban and Alabama, and the Vols also have blowout wins over LSU and Kentucky. They are in a precarious position in the SEC East though, as they are unlikely to make it to the SEC Championship Game. They will have to go into Georgia and beat the Bulldogs this week if they are to have a shot at playing in the conference title game. Otherwise, they are at the mercy of other teams. Michigan Wolverines (+1000 to win the National Championship at BetOnline) Michigan made it to the College Football Playoff last season. The Wolverines were blown out in the semi-finals by Georgia, and they would love a rematch. They have a strong defense and a great ground game once again, but the X-Factor this season is J.J. McCarthy. He is a more accurate passer than Cade McNamara, giving this offense more of a bite. Alabama Crimson Tide (+360 to win the National Championship at BetOnline) Although Alabama has one loss this season, the Crimson Tide should be in the top six of the initial CFP Rankings. They have good road wins over Texas and Arkansas, and they lost to Tennessee on a last-second field goal. They are ranked 3rd in SP+, and they have looked better than undefeated teams Clemson and TCU. Alabama will be much better at the end of the season too when this young roster has had a chance to mature. Clemson Tigers (+1800 to win the National Championship at BetOnline) If Clemson had a solid quarterback, the Tigers would be a top four team. However, D.J. Uiagalelei has been average at best under center, hurting Clemson’s chances of making it to the CFP. This defense is certainly elite with Myles Murphy and Bryan Bresee up front, but there have been enough holes to make Clemson struggle in four of its eight wins.
NFL WEEK 8: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE We’re kicking off our official week of NFL action the way we always do, by delivering out smiley face stickers, hastily drawn check marks and frowny emojis to all 32 NFL franchises. It’s harsh, but deserved. And somebody’s got to do it. The top of the rankings are all but untouched, but we do have a new No. 32 at the bottom. The team in question, and its long suffering fanbase, is no stranger to that particular designation. 1. BUFFALO BILLS (5-1) The Bills had the week off, but looked so good before the hiatus, I can find no reason to move them from the top spot. Sunday night they can do the thing that only Mike McCarthy and Jimmy Garoppolo have managed to do in the recent past, pretty much end the Green Bay Packers’ season. Last week: No. 1 2. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (6-0) Like the Bills, the Eagles took a little mid-season vacation and, just like Buffalo, look none the poorer for it. In fact, the rest of the NFC looks significantly worse after multiple shocking Week 7 upsets. Wednesday, the Eagles got even better by adding Robert Quinn in a trade from the Chicago Bears. Last week: No. 2 3. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (5-2) The Chiefs not only won the rematch of Super Bowl LIV with the San Francisco 49ers, they proved that the fact the Niners took a lead in that game was nothing more than a fluke. Kansas City and Buffalo are far ahead of the rest of the AFC. Last week: No. 3 4. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (5-1) Is it any coincidence that three of our top four teams were all on byes last week? Probably, but it did make NFL Red Zone less fun to watch. The Vikings not only have the inside track for the NFC North, they have a legit shot at home field advantage in the playoffs. And, hey, we’re in Week 8. It’s not too early to start thinking about that. Last week: No. 6 5. NEW YORK GIANTS (6-1) Another week, another Giants game as road underdogs, this time at the Seattle Seahawks. How many of these do the G-Men have to win before we stop doing that? Brian Daboll should go ahead and craft his Coach of the Year speech and free up his time come the postseason. He’s going to need it to coach at least one playoff game. Last week: No. 7 6. LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-3) The Rams come off their bye as healthy as they’ve been all season, with Brian Allen and Van Jefferson both slated to re-enter the line up. They’ll need all hands on deck against a slumping San Francisco 49ers team that, for whatever reason, decides to not slump at all when they play the Rams. The regular season version of this streak has to stop at some point. Last week: No. 9 7. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (4-3) The 2022 Chargers look a lot like the 2021 Chargers and that’s bad news for any postseason hopes. This team, for whatever reason, just can’t seem to bring it every week and it shows up at the worst possible times. Last week: No. 4 8. DALLAS COWBOYS (5-2) It took about a half, but Dak Prescott knocked off the rust and kept the Cowboys in NFC East contention with a solid performance in his return from injury Sunday. Dallas has one of the best records in the conference and is now a stronger team than the one that built it. Last week: No. 11 9. TENNESSEE TITANS (4-2) After the first two weeks of the season, the AFC South looked as if it were up for grabs. Now it looks like the Titans should easily cruise to another title and home playoff game, barring anything catastrophic happening. Last week: No. 12 10. CINCINNATI BENGALS (4-3) Well, look who decided to finally show up — the good Bengals. Joe Burrow remembered he was awesome and showed out Sunday, becoming the only QB in NFL history to throw for 500-plus yards and four touchdowns twice in his career. Last week: No. 13 11. BALTIMORE RAVENS (4-3) If the Ravens lose to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Thursday night, it will just be the second loss for Lamar Jackson to an NFC team in his career. His first was two weeks ago when he fell to the Giants. So he now knows what he must do. Last week: No. 14 12. NEW YORK JETS (5-2) According to Mina Kimes, the Jets refer to offensive coordinator Mike LaFleur as “MiLF.” She points out that his QB is Zack Wilson and decides just to let the joke sit there. I think I will too. I will say this, New York can pretty much wrap up the New England Patriots’ 2022 campaign Sunday and I think we’d all appreciate it if they’d go ahead and do it. The Jets did get some bad news after their Sunday win over the Denver Broncos, they lost running back Breece Hall for the season. Last week: No. 15 13. MIAMI DOLPHINS (4-3) It wasn’t pretty, but it didn’t have to be. The Dolphins plodded past the Pittsburgh Steelers to get right back into the win column with Tua Tagovailoa back under center. Preseason: No. 16 14. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (4-3) Lost in Geno Smith’s resurgence is the fact that Kenneth Walker III might be on his way to an Offensive Rookie of the Year award. In the preseason, the Seahawks looked like they’d be picking in the Top Five. Now, they might still land a pick there thanks to a Broncos implosion, but their own pick could come once the playoff teams are seeded in the draft. Last week: No. 20 15. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-4) For the first time in his entire career, Tom Brady lost back to back games against teams with losing records. It’s also the first time he’s had a losing record through seven games since
NFL WEEK 7: POWER RANKINGS
NFL WEEK 7: POWER RANKINGS BY ADAM GREENE It’s time to kick off our Week 7 of NFL nerditry the best way we know how, by an arbitrary ranking of all 32 NFL franchises. BUFFALO BILLS (5-1) The Bills came out on top in the battle of AFC supremacy, knocking off the Kansas City Chiefs at home and also from the top spot in the rankings. Josh Allen was phenomenal again, throwing for 329 yards and three touchdowns in the victory. While Buffalo can claim the early advantage, this one probably won’t be settled until the playoffs, Again. Last week: No. 2 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (6-0) The Eagles aren’t just undefeated, they are seriously undefeated after knocking off another 2021 playoff team in the Dallas Cowboys last week. The game got a little close in the fourth quarter, but never felt in any danger. Last week: No. 3 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-2) Before anyone starts handing the Bills the keys to the AFC, you might want to remember that Buffalo also took last year’s regular season match up too, only to fall to KC when it counted the most. Last week: No. 1 LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (4-2) If the Chargers’ tight victory over the Denver Broncos proves anything, it’s that Denver has a legit, playoff caliber defense, because holding this team to under 20 is a real feat. Of course, it didn’t matter because LA’s defense is pretty good too. Last week: No. 5 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-3) Last Sunday’s loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers was just the fourth time in Tom Brady’s entire career that he fell to the team from the Steel City. Nothing is looking easy in Tampa Bay this season, but it’s not like they haven’t had their share of distractions in “Acts of God” and “Acts of Gisele” both. On the bright side, Antonio Brown quitting the team in New York last season looks more like a blessing every single day. Last week: No. 4 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (5-1) Six weeks into the season and the Vikings have a commanding 2.5 game lead over the Green Bay Packers in the NFC North. I’m thinking this whole Kevin O’Connell hire has worked out pretty well. Last week: No. 8 NEW YORK GIANTS (5-1) Speaking of great coaching hires, Brian Daboll might as well start working on his NFL Honors speech for accepting the 2022 Coach of the Year Award. We all expected the Giants to be better under his watch, but nobody expected this. Last week: No. 15 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (3-3) Do you think that Kyle Shanahan watched Marcus Mariota dominate his team last Sunday and realized he would be the perfect quarterback to run his San Fran attack and he could have brought him in off the street instead of giving up three first round picks for Trey Lance? Last week: No. 7 LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-3) While the Rams got back into the win column, they took another hit on the most injured offensive line in football. Starting left tackle Joe Noteboom went down with a torn Achilles and will be out for the rest of the season. Los Angeles should have some guys back in time for their rematch with the 49ers (as well as some new signings prepared to play), but no team in the league needed a bye week more than the defending champs. Last week: No. 10 GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-3) The Packers made the worst kind of history in losing to the New York Jets last week. It was the first time since 1998 where they lost back to back games in which they were favored and it was the first home loss for Aaron Rodgers in 16 games. Last week: No. 6 DALLAS COWBOYS (4-2) Dak Prescott should be on the field Sunday when the Cowboys host the Detroit Lions. There is no quarterback controversy in Dallas after Cooper Rush’s performance last week. What the team must do, though, is continue running that style of offense. No reason to expand the playbook when what you were doing was working so well. It’ll work even better with a more talented QB at the helm. Last week: No. 9 TENNESSEE TITANS (3-2) The Titans won three straight heading into their bye and while they had the week off, cut a deal with Nashville for a new $2 billion stadium, with $500 million of that money coming from the state of Tennessee. And as someone who lives in Tennessee, I do have to ask where they hell they think they’re going to get that $500 million? Last week: No. 12 CINCINNATI BENGALS (3-3) The Bengals have gotten no help from their schedule and there’s plenty of season to go, but this has been a disappointing start for a team and a fanbase who hoped to have buried the “Bungles” for good. Barely holding off a New Orleans Saints team QBed by Andy Dalton, their former signal caller, doesn’t make it feel that much better. Last week: No. 13 BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-3) Here’s an interesting tidbit — Sunday’s loss to the suddenly potent New York Giants was the first by Lamar Jackson to an NFC team in his career. Last week: No. 11 NEW YORK JETS (4-2) This has already been the best Jets season since 2015 and they’re two games over .500. So, of course, they’ve got some self centered disgruntled wide receiver complaining about his touches as asking for a trade. New York should happily eject Elijah Moore from the team. The last guy that made noise like that on a winning team was Deshaun Jackson last season with the Rams. They went on to win the Super Bowl. He went on to catch a handful of passes with the Raiders and watch the Super Bowl on his Barcalounger. Last week: No. 16 MIAMI DOLPHINS (3-3) Just in time for a match up with a pesky Pittsburgh Steelers team, the Dolphins should get Tua Tagovailoa back under center.
NFL WEEK 6: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE It’s time to break out the smiley face stickers and the sad clowns. Let’s rank some football teams! KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-1) Another week, another ridiculous Patrick Mahomes performance, this time storming back from a 17-point deficit to overtake the Las Vegas Raiders on Monday night. Fun fact — this is the first Power Rankings of the season with a repeat No. 1. Last week: No. 1 BUFFALO BILLS (4-1) The Bills toyed with the Pittsburgh Steelers for all of a quarter, like a killer whale and a seal in one of those nature documentaries where David Attenborough makes you care about a cute animal only to see it barely escape the jaws of death. Only there was no escape for the Steelers Sunday. Buffalo and Kansas City are significantly ahead of the rest of the crowd this point in the season. And, yes, I’m even talking about the lone undefeated squad ranked just beneath them. Last week: No. 3 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (5-0) While Philadelphia has one of the easiest overall schedules in the NFL, their 5-0 record is no illusion. They dominated the 4-1 Minnesota Vikings in Week 2 and then outlasted the Arizona Cardinals, who made the playoffs last year, on the road. This is a good team. I don’t think they’ll hold up as the best team in the NFC, but they are absolutely playing the best through the first five weeks of the season. Last week: No. 4 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-2) The Bucs stopped a two-game skid with a suddenly very important win over the Atlanta Falcons. Nothing is looking easy in Tampa Bay this season, but it’s not like they haven’t had their share of distractions in “Acts of God” and “Acts of Gisele” both. On the bright side, Antonio Brown quitting the team in New York last season looks more like a blessing every single day. Last week: No. 6 LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (3-2) Los Angeles outlasted a spry Cleveland Browns team on the road Sunday. Justin Herbert looks healthier each week and running back Austin Ekeler picked the perfect time to win everybody some Daily Fantasy cash. Last week: No. 9 GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-2) There’s bad losses, then there’s losing to the New York Giants in London while sacrificing a home game at Lambeau to do it. Apparently there’s some internal issues that Aaron Rodgers doesn’t like with the team’s “attitude” as well. Maybe he should have invited them all to his last ayahuasca enema party. Last week: No. 2 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (3-2) As bad as it is to write (and know), Trey Lance’s injury put this 49ers team atop the NFC West five weeks in and has them angling for a division title and home playoff game. With Lance, they wouldn’t have made it at all and would probably be 0-5. Last week: No. 10 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (4-1) After co-leading the NFC North for a week, the Vikings are all alone atop the division after a Packers stumble across the pond. With Teddy Bridgewater and Tua Tagovailoa’s statuses with the Miami Dolphins up in the air for next Sunday and a friendly schedule for the two following weeks, they could remain there for a while. Last week: No. 11 DALLAS COWBOYS (4-1) If you were a Cowboys fan hoping to bring in Sean Payton next season, I have bad news. Somebody is doing a great coaching job in Dallas, and while it might not be Mike McCarthy (and he’s definitely not sucking), he’s resting comfortably on a very cold seat. I have some worse news — Dan Quinn, your best coach on the staff, has the defense playing at a championship level and might work his way into another head coaching job next year. Last week: No. 12 LOS ANGELES RAMS (2-3) Oof. The winning team isn’t supposed to suffer from a Super Bowl hangover, but the Rams look like they’re traveling Vegas with a baby strapped to their chest after getting a black eye from Mike Tyson. Injuries to the offensive line have doomed the team in their title defense with Matthew Stafford getting pressured on 45.9 percent of his drop backs this season and the running game is nonexistent. Last week: No. 5 BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-2) Baltimore slipped past the defending AFC Champion Cincinnati Bengals last Sunday and, in so doing, are all alone atop the AFC North. There’s a lot of season to go, but if Lamar Jackson stays healthy (and with the way Greg Roman calls games, that’s a big “if”) they could stay there. Last week: No. 13 TENNESSEE TITANS (3-2) After an 0-2 start, the Titans have turned their season around with three consecutive wins. They can all but seal the deal by knocking off the Indianapolis Colts for a second time in three weeks Sunday. Last week: No. 15 CINCINNATI BENGALS (2-3) The Bengals have gotten no help from their schedule and there’s plenty of season to go, but this has been a disappointing start for a team and a fanbase who hoped to have buried the “Bungles” for good. Last week: No. 7 MIAMI DOLPHINS (3-2) The Dolphins can’t keep their quarterbacks out of the concussion protocol and the guy they’d most want to trade for is currently starting in San Francisco. It’d be a shame to see injuries knock this team out of the playoff hunt this early when it looked like they’d cruise to at least a Wild Card in the first month of the season. Preseason: No. 8 NEW YORK GIANTS (4-1) Well, all of us prepared for this Giants train to derail just got flattened like a penny by that win over the Packers Sunday in London. I think Brian Daboll might have been the right hire, here. How did the NFC East become the best division in the conference? Last week: No. 17 NEW YORK
NFL WEEK 5: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE It’s the absolute apex of the NFL Week, when we finally put the previous Thursday, Sunday and Monday’s action behind us and focus on the future. And, in so doing, give out some well-deserved praise and scorne. We have our fourth different team to claim its spot atop the rankings this season, something that’s all but unheard of in Power Rank-ery. We do not have a new No. 32. That team might as well put their chair in the full reclining position. Really get comfortable. It might be a while. 1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (3-1) No team looked better in Week 4 than the Kansas City Chiefs. Considering what they had to replace in talent in the offseason (and failed to do), no one expected them to look in December form in September. But that’s exactly what happened, landing them atop the rankings for the first time in 2022. Dominating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Tampa the way they did, in front of a Prime Time Audience, has to be recognized. There are statements, and there’s signed and notarized declarations. Mahomes put his John Hancock on one Sunday. Last week: No. 5 2. GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-1) While it might seem unfair to drop a team after a win, the Packers haven’t looked like themselves this season. They got the win over the hapless Patriots, but that game should have been a blowout. Speaking of looks, Aaron Rodgers’ hair choice is a bad one. Last season he grew it out to play John Wick on Halloween, catching Covid-19 in the process and busting himself for publicly lying about his vaccination status. This year, he’s apparently trying to trick Covid into thinking he’s already dead by dressing up as the Crypt Keeper. Last week: No. 1 3. BUFFALO BILLS (3-1) Dropping after a come from behind victory on the road against a potential playoff team is bad form, but the Chiefs jumped the field. The Bills looked cooked against the Baltimore Ravens for most of the day, but showed up in the only time it really counts. While this game might get replayed in the postseason, the Josh Allen vs Lamar Jackson MVP race is finally on. Last week: No. 2 4. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (4-0) The Eagles have done exactly what they’re supposed to do — dominate inferior teams on their schedule. Luckily for them, most of the teams on the docket are inferior since Philadelphia was blessed with one of the league’s easiest schedules. Sunday’s game against the Arizona Cardinals could be a trap, or it could be a defining moment for the Eagles first half of the season. With the rest of the NFC hovering at .500, this could lay an early claim on NFC home field and keep it. Last week: No. 7 5. LOS ANGELES RAMS (2-2) Like the Packers, the Rams haven’t looked resembled their former selves in 2022. It didn’t help that, even last season, LA got swept by the San Francisco 49ers in the regular season. Los Angeles is playing with more than half its starting offensive line missing, but, there’s no excuse to being held completely out of the end zone against the Niners Monday night. Last week: No. 3 6. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-2) With Hurricane Ian just wrapping up and apparently some off the field drama for Tom Brady just beginning, the Bucs needed to be at their best against the Chiefs last Sunday night. And, even then, they probably would have still lost. In what just might be a coincidence, but I’m choosing to believe it’s not, Tampa went 0-2 after signing COVID-19 super spreader Cole Beasley to their roster. The good news for the Buccaneers is, as of Wednesday morning, Beasley left the team and retired. Last week: No. 4 7. CINCINNATI BENGALS (2-2) A big win over the Miami Dolphins erases one bad loss for the Bengals. Unfortunately for Cincy, they had two on their record already. Knocking the Ravens off in Baltimore Sunday will clear that up completely. Last week: No. 9 8. MIAMI DOLPHINS (3-1) The final AFC unbeaten team fell in the ugliest way possible, not only losing the game, but losing its starting quarterback for at least a week (but probably more). Tua Tagovailoa went down early with a horrifying concussion that made his previous week’s “back injury” look extra suspicious. Miami is now under the microscope and their “unaffiliated neurotrauma consultant” has been fired, because the “unaffiliated” guy’s head is always going to roll first. The team doesn’t lose a lot at the QB position with Teddy Bridgewater in and he might be a better deep ball thrower than Tagovailoa. The shame is, Tagovailoa’s injury and ordeal has shed a new light on the NFL’s current concussion protocols and already forced changes in the rules. It’s a too bad Tagovailoa had to go through that intensely scary moment to make it happen. Preseason: No. 6 9. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-2) Justin Herbert is starting to look like himself again “just in” time. He was dialed in pretty well against the Houston Texans last week, but will face a true test making the trip to the Cleveland Browns Sunday. He’ll need a lot more help out of the running game. The Chargers rushed for just 81 yards as a team against one of the weaker defenses in the league. Last week: No. 11 10. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-2) For some reason, Jimmy Garoppolo turns into the second coming of Steve Young when he faces the Rams. Against everyone else, he’s Jeff Garcia. Thanks to their schedule, they get the Carolina Panthers this week and even Jeff Garcia could eviscerate those schlubs with this roster around him. Last week: No. 12 11. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (3-1) While America slept, attended church or got mimosa drunk at brunch, the Vikings outlasted the New Orleans Saints to end September a half game up in the NFC North. Last week: No. 12 12. DALLAS COWBOYS
NFL WEEK 4: POWER RANKINGS
BY ADAM GREENE Week 3 is usually when the NFL begins to calm down a tad. The good teams begin separating from the pack and the bad teams just keep looking worse by the day. For whatever reason, 2022 has decided to break the mold. There’s always plenty of chaos in Week 1 and punditry is rife with overreactions. What no one is ready for is that same chaos to continue every single week for the first month of the season. If you’re still alive in your survival pool, you’ve probably already won the pot. The entirety of the rankings have been shuffled this week, with not only a new franchise in the top spot, but a new team at No. 32. Of course, these are teams that regularly sit atop and a-bottom of the Power Rankings, but it’s notable nonetheless. With no idea what’s going on, it falls to me to deliver the appropriate praise and punishment for these performances in the only way that matters — a completely arbitrary ranking system. 1. GREEN BAY PACKERS (2-1) For the second year in a row, the Packers opened up the season looking like a flaming dog turd before surging to the top of the heap. This time, it took a low scoring victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to land them in the top spot. It was only the second time in Aaron Rodgers career that he’s beaten a team QBed by Tom Brady. Maybe we should give an ayahuasca enema a chance Last week: No. 5 2. BUFFALO BILLS (2-1) Losing to a hot Dolphins team in the final seconds isn’t the worst thing for the Bills. They remain the AFC favorites, but it does show you how competitive the conference will be this season. No team was going undefeated, but it’s a shame Buffalo didn’t get longer to flirt with it. Last week: No. 1 3. LOS ANGELES RAMS (2-1) The Rams haven’t looked great this season in spite of their record. Traveling to their arch nemeses, the San Francisco 49ers, who have swept them in the last three regular seasons, this would be a great time to actually show up for four quarters. It’d also be nice to see Allen Robinson really show why the team targeted him in the offseason. Last week: No. 4 4. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-1) The Bucs signed COVID-19 super spreader Cole Beasley to their roster only to immediately lose a game in which he did not play. Coincidence? Probably, but I’m still feeling some solid schadenfreude. Last week: No. 2 5. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (2-1) If the Indianapolis Colts had been as good as I thought they’d be in the preseason, last Sunday’s loss wouldn’t have been a shock. As the Colts looked like they were swirling around next to a fishing net filled with rotting cod in the Great Pacific Garbage Gyre for the first two weeks of the season, I was a little stunned that they knocked off Kansas City. Last week: No. 3 6. MIAMI DOLPHINS (3-0) It’s been six years since the Dolphins made the playoffs, but after opening the year 3-0 (and beating the Bills), they sit at a 74.4 percent chance to play on in late January. And for the people who wanted to run Tua Tagovailoa out of South Beach (including his former head coach), he’s No. 2 in the NFL in passing yards, No. 2 in yards per attempt, No 4 in completion percentage and tied for third with Patrick Mahomes in touchdown passes. Preseason: No. 7 7. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (3-0) The Eagles are a good team with one of the easiest schedules in the league. That leads to a 3-0 start. Now, they face their first real test of the season when they host the… checks notes… Jacksonville Jaguars?? Philadelphia should be too surprised that Jacksonville looks as if it has its act together. Their former Super Bowl winning head coach is running the team. Last week: No. 6 8. BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-1) Lamar Jackson continues to not only put up MVP numbers, but generally annoy all the worst people on the planet. In that way, he’s my personal MVP too. Last week: No. 9 9. CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-2) The Bengals managed to avoid an 0-3 start, but even picking up their first win, the road gets no easier. They host the red hot Dolphins Thursday night in a game that Cincinnati hopes will be a playoff preview. Because, if it isn’t, the Bengals won’t be in the tournament. Last week: No. 11 10. DENVER BRONCOS (2-1) The Department of Health and Human Services hasn’t shut down Russell Wilson’s kitchen in Denver just yet, but that’s just because they didn’t see the dead rat king in the freezer. The Broncos have looked terrible in every game this year, but have still managed to win two games. They travel to a desperate Las Vegas Raiders team and can all but end their season in September with another food poison assisted victory. Last week: No. 12 11. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (1-2) In a hotly contested AFC, the Chargers are going to have to figure out a way to survive with half a Justin Herbert. Luckily, half a Herb is still better than what 20 other NFL teams are fielding on any Sunday. Last week: No. 8 12. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-1) Removed from the lights of prime time, Kirk Cousins once again delivered the goods. It’s his thing to perform at his best when the viewing audience is at its smallest. Last week: No. 14 12. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (1-2) Jimmy Garoppolo’s first start of the season looked more like a stop. Of course, the 49ers don’t have a choice to keep rolling with our favorite porn star aficionado since Trey Lance is out for the year. The good news for Niner fans is that Jimmy G has played like garbage before only to somehow find his mojo facing the very team he’ll play